Justin starts a blog

My co-worker Angus (@angusm) is far too witty

From: Angus
To: Everyone
Subject: Summertime is a great time to lie on the beach

Summertime is a great time to kick back and do nothing. But you can’t count on idleness and weight gain happening by themselves. Experience has shown that in summer particularly, people are likely to just slip into exercise. You’ll step outside on a summer day and next thing you know you’ve gone for a five mile walk, with no better excuse than “it was a nice day”. Or you’ll go to the beach and swim for hours. Or play frisbee. Or go for a bike ride. And without meaning to, suddenly you’re losing valuable body fat, body fat that you’ll need to get you through the winter. To say nothing of developing unsightly muscles.

That’s why I propose that we start a new regime. At the start of the summer, we’ll weigh everyone in the office and use advanced laser measuring techniques, millimeter-wave radar and invasive biopsies to determine their precise percentage of body fat. On September 1st, we’ll measure everyone again, and we’ll give prizes to those who have gained the most weight and/or fat. The prizes will be an extra large slice of pie. Losers will get a bottle of designer mineral water and some of those “healthy” snacks that taste like dried sawdust and glue.

We’ll also have a pool. Each day, anyone who eats less than 5000 calories or has spent less than an hour lying on the couch watching TV will have to put a bag of candy into the pool. At the end of the summer, the person who has done the least amount of high-intensity lounging must eat all the candy. That will teach them.

Prizes will also be awarded to the person who eats the largest amount of unhealthy fattening food, demonstrates the highest levels of inactivity (special prizes will be awarded to anyone who appears so inert that they are actually assumed to be dead by more than 60% of observers), and, in the opinion of the judges, has most successfully avoided exercise during the period of the challenge.

Remember, “Exercise is wonderful - you can sit and watch it all day”.